RegretOnce, you were my everything.I was blinded by my need.How could it have ever worked,When we could never touch?You were my fantasy,My dream love.I still don’t understand whyIt had to end the way it did.Our beautiful loveSplintered into thousands of nightmares.I know I was the one to break it off,But I’ll always regret we changed so much.Why did you drive me away?Did I mean so little to you?Or could it be I dreamed you into being?All I have now are muddled memories,And more missing pieces…
the writer's diseasemy conversations becomeblurs of i-miss-you'slittered on the cold floor of empty promises.you deserve something more thansilhouettes of words, casting shadows onto my heartfilling it with tricks of lightthat try to hide away the darkness.sit down and stay for a while--except i'm going to gobecause i never learned how to keepthe beautiful thingsfor more than a little at a time;i'm left chain smoking words like cigarettesone word after the other after the other,exhaling them all with my cancerand my thick, black lungs.and they say a cigarette takes seven minutesfrom your life--yet these words take memories from mine,stripping me bare of the way you said my nameor the way you touched my facei read you poetry in the dark, oncefingers curled around wrists and hipsbreathing words onto your lips as if i couldkeep you, as if i could wrap you upin the network of stars that made up your eyesand get you to staybut you could never stayand we both know it isn't something
seabonesyou told me to walk on waterbut all i did was sink to the sandy bottomsof the salty sea.the brackish water stung at my eyesand filled my lungs,seeking refuge in the spaces between my ribs.i remember barely breathingwet inhales and slow exhales of the briny seathrough slightly parted lips.my heart was lost in a century-old shipwreckfound through the haze of floating sandgranules that looked like dust in sunlight,fingers wrapping around wood and forgotten memories.i wondered if this was death,ocean water pressing down on the hollows in my chestworld moving in slow motion through teal colored lenses.you told me to walk on waterbut all i did was drown.
The Broken Things InsidePoor child, you have no idea what's in store.You spend your childhood feigning adulthood,Watching your mother smile with her ruby-red lips,your father reading the paper and drinking his coffee,thinking it's so wonderful, so fabulous,you want to be just like them,but you are unaware of the woman your father has on the side,how your mother cries every night,biting at her lips to keep quiet and that they'renot red from the makeup.You have no idea of the broken spirits thatwalk around with empty eyes,I'm fine, they lie, often enough that it's believed.'Fine' is now warped,sitting on the stool of words that meanplease, please save me.The shiny life of adulthood is an untruth.Poor child, I have no way of sparing you this pain,for my heart's already dead.I'm sorry. [ Time kills hearts, it's inevitable. ]
imaginemy vacant fingers missthe press of yourseven if it was onlyin my mindthat we weretouching.you were mine, therefloating happily througheyes squeezed shutbecause you wereright there with mebut now you're not.your fingersare pressing intothe dips of her spineand it's notfair.you said you wanted toalways make me happybutall you did wasmake me cry.
Just AskAsk me if I'm okay.I know I've already told you I am, but ask anyway.Ask so that I can tell you I'm not.I want to tell you I'm falling apart.I'm sinking lower and lower into this and I can't move past it.Ask me if I'm okay so that I can cry on your shoulder.I need someone to make me feel safe again.I need to feel like I'm wanted by somebody.Everything is just so fucked up lately.It feels like I've lost everybody that's ever mattered.Please, just ask me if I'm okay one more time.You're supposed to come back and see that I'm lying.You're supposed to stay until I tell you the truth.I need to feel loved, and you took that away.Just give me something back in return.Tell me that I'm good enough for somebody.Say that I'm good enough for you.Look me in the eye and tell me you know I'm not okay.Hold me in your arms and keep me protected.I know you can see the pain here.Just ask me one more time.I promise I'll give you the right answer this time.I can tell you I'm not okay.
AubadeBecause sometimes you realize it's dawn,and your heart aches for someone.Your fingers tremble too hardand your tongue feels swollen in your mouth.Lips press against the pillow case that used tocarry her scent, used to hold the warmindent that meant another body was there with you.The indent is gone, left stale,like too-old coffee sitting out on thekitchen counter.Hands used itch for something to hold, but somethingisn't cutting it anymore.You need someone, you realize.It gets lonely on your own.It's like forgetting how to write, forgetting howto breathe, likewatching yourself fall apart,unable to do a damn thing.Lonely songs bleed out fragmented memories,ripped raw and broken from your throat as if maybethinking about it could bring them back.As if maybe music could save you,could give you cold toes pressed against thebacks of your knees at midnight.Sometimes you realize it's dawn,and your heart aches for someone.